


going for trying

by JenLi



Series: Selection OC 6 [14]
Category: Selection OC
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenLi/pseuds/JenLi
Summary: Challenge 6 - Part 2 Ian
Relationships: Ian Mondeli/Death, Jen Li/Arin Schreave
Series: Selection OC 6 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742209
Kudos: 1





	going for trying

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a monster rp, and there are other parts involved that Ester will post later that you should look out for if you'd like to see what happens with Arin and Ian. Let's be real. We knew this was coming. Partly written. Mostly raw.
> 
> RPs with Arin, Idalia, and Wylan. Thanks y'all for being in this mess.
> 
> TW: Sexual assault (Non-consensual kissing and touching) and the beginnings of attempted rape. Also, blood, gaslighting, and manipulation.
> 
> P.S. Sorry Wylan. You didn't deserve this.

It didn’t take long for Ian to approach her again that week, but she hadn’t expected it to. Whether it was after meals or just walking, she knew it was going to happen, but she’d hoped as they neared the end of the week, he would’ve given it up and realized that he had a whole life at home he could be proud of. He didn’t need her. 

But he still approached her multiple times. The first, before lunch the second day when she was supposed to meet Idalia, which had left her feeling emptier than the first time. The second two days later. Every time it was like he enjoyed the way she squirmed whenever she saw him, but she could deal with the vague threats and pointed stares.

Two nights before he would leave was when it all peaked.

Jen couldn’t process the sudden grip on her wrist before it was entirely too late. She’d just been walking and then stumbling. The palace was supposed to be safe, but they’d let one person slip through the cracks, and that one mistake was about to cost her a lot more than a little.

“Ian,” she hissed when she hit the ground as they rounded one of the corners of the hall. His grip on her wrist was bruising, and it took her a few moments to even attempt resisting him. “Ian, what—”

He pulled her back to her feet, which she supposed was a better position for her anyway, but not with him. With anyone but him. “We’re going to talk.”

She dug her heels into the floor, but there was little traction in these shoes, definitely not meant for this kind of interaction. Even so, it gave her just a bit of time to look around, see exactly where he’d pulled her. The opposite hall she was currently residing. The furthest away from anyone.  _ Oh God. _ “Ian—”

“Shut up.” 

This was bad. He never talked like this unless she’d really done something. “Please—”

He pulled her into the furthest room on the left side of the hall and immediately locked the door, forcing her to back in further. A locked room alone with Ian. This couldn’t be happening. “I’m disappointed in you, Jennie.”

There was a balcony. A second-story fall wouldn’t be worse than whatever Ian was planning on doing to her. Maybe some broken bones would be worth it. If it meant he wouldn’t touch her again. “Please stop.”

She was clutching the banister of the bed, but he stalked toward her, entirely too close even now. “Stop what?” A hand pressed to her waist, grasping her when she tried to step away. “I need you to stop being ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?” she asked, trying to tear away from his grip and failing. The air seemed to be thinning already, Ian once again sucking the life out of every room he stepped foot in. “You raped me.”

Jen wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she was expecting from him, but laughing was not one of them. “I did not  _ rape _ you. What the hell are you talking about?”

She hadn’t expected him to admit it either, but it still hurt to hear. “Y-You gave me a bad grade on purpose.”

Ian’s stare was disbelieving. “I gave you a bad grade because your essay was shit.”

Ian didn’t swear much. She winced every time he did. “It wasn’t. I know it wasn’t. You—You wanted me to do anything for you. You knew I would be upset.”

“You’re overreacting. I don’t know what these people have been telling you, but I was there, Jen.” He squeezed her just a little tighter and pressed her into the banister of the bed. “I was there every single time you got on your knees for me and every time you begged me not to leave. You can’t pretend you didn’t ask for it because you did.”

She shut her eyes and shook her head. Whatever narrative he was painting in his head, she wasn’t accepting it as the truth because it  _ wasn’t. _ No matter how much he tried to convince himself, it just wasn’t. “I was crying the first time we had sex, and you didn’t care. You got me  _ drunk. _ ”

He’d brought rum with him. He said just one drink. It had turned into three.

“You were nervous.”

“I was more than half your age. I was scared. You’re my father’s best friend. Do you want a fucking list?” She ripped away from his grip suddenly, and it was enough for temporary freedom. “You watched me grow up. You were a fucking adult. Your daughter is in college. I babysat her when I was just a kid. You knew I had a crush on you in high school, and you supported it.” She took a step back when he stepped closer. “You have everything you could ever want, but when I needed a father, you decided you would rather fuck me instead.” After a heartbeat of silence, she realized again sex was not what happened that day. “No, actually, you would rather rape me.”

“It’s not my fault you changed your mind.”

“You never gave me a choice,” she hissed, backing away. “You tried taking everything from me, and I almost let you, but I’m not going to again. Leave me alone.”

He grabbed her again, shoved her into another wall hard enough to bruise, and immediately his mouth was on hers. It took her a moment to realize what he was doing, realize he was kissing her again. She’d almost forgotten the way it felt but hadn’t. Some part of her would never forget it.

She tried to pull away, but his body was pressed to hers, awkwardly bent over because she was too short for this position.

Just over a week ago, she was being held the same way, but instead of the bruising grip and slide of lips it was Arin. Closing her eyes, she could try and imagine it was him, but he wouldn’t touch her like this. He always asked, something Ian never quite mastered the art of.

She just wanted Arin.

Ian’s grip loosened just slightly when he pulled away, and she felt his hand brush over her cheeks, wiping away tears she hadn’t realized had slipped out from her closed eyes. “I’ve missed you so much.”

His body was still pressed to hers, so she could only jerk her head away, eyes still shut. “Let me go.”

“Come back with me.” He pressed his lips to her jaw. “I’ll make up everything to you.”

“No.”

His lips against her neck. Just a little more space to move. That was what she focused on. “He won’t miss you. He has the pick of any other girl here. You know you’re all I’ve ever wanted. You can’t leave me, Jennie.”

She opened her eyes, glanced down to his face buried in her neck and then around the room. The door was a risk, but there was a shot. God knew Ian had already fucked with her head enough. She didn’t need whatever else he was planning, especially not in a strange room at night. She needed to get out of here.

Without another word, she collided her foot with his shin and pushed him off her enough to take a few steps toward the door, but his arm caught her wrist before she got far, already stepping forward to come closer. “Not a good idea.”

He was too close to the door. They were too close to the bed. He wasn’t going to let her get far again. One last attempt, she tore from his grip and ran the few feet to the bathroom, stumbling to the ground before shutting the door and locking it. Safe, just for a second, but she didn’t let herself get too comfortable, immediately crawling away from the locked door and taking her phone out of her pocket with shaking hands.

“Open the door, Jen.”

She couldn’t type, hands too shaky and mind too fuzzy to think, so instead, she opened Idalia’s unopened messages and texted her what she could.

_ Q _

_ Q _

_ QQ _

_ Q _

_ Q _

God, where was she? East or west? She didn’t know anymore, but that was too broad. Ian’s voice got louder. She didn’t underestimate his ability to bust down the door if he wanted to. _Think, Jen._ _Focus._

Just a few days ago, she’d been in this room, she realized. Sara and Evalin’s little brother making out and doing God knew what else. Idalia had been here. Maybe she would know.

The door handle was rustling. Ian wouldn’t let her have long in here no matter what way she got the door open. She needed to say something.

_ forbidden room _

_ Dal _

She wanted to type more, but halfway through, the door gave too easily, and her phone was snatched out of her hands.

“Next time you try and make a run for it,” Ian said, her phone in one hand and a small key in the other, “figure out where you’re going first.” His eyes turned to her phone and over the text messages, likely trying to see how bad it was for him, but there was nothing too incriminating. When the phone started ringing, Ian rejected it immediately. Idalia had seen then. She’d done what she could. “Idalia.” He said the name like he knew her, and Jen hated every bit of it. “She’s a good friend.”

“Leave her out of this.”

“It’d be a pity if something happened to her that you could’ve prevented.”

Jen could feel her blood run cold as she opened her eyes. Even curled on the bathroom floor, staring up at Ian with bloodshot eyes and shaky hands, she would kill him before he got close. “Touch her, and I will ruin you. I will tell Arin everything, and you’ll have nothing left.”

He crouched down then, phone still resting in his hand. Idalia’s face appeared on the screen again, another calling attempt that Ian rejected as quickly as it came. “That’s what it takes for you to talk about what you’re claiming I did? You think he would believe you?”

“He would,” she spat. “He does. I already told him what you did, and he believes me.”

“Oh, Jennie.” He pocketed her phone and reached out to grab her jaw, his grip once again tightening. “But if he knew everything, he wouldn’t have invited me here. Who’s he going to believe? Who is anyone going to believe? A little slut who wanted a good grade or the girl who said nothing and then nothing, and then when she almost gets exposed, she cries rape?” He pulled her face closer, and she shut her eyes, attempts to break free useless. “You have no proof. You have nothing. You should know that.”

She kept squeezing her eyes closed, willing herself to stop thinking about the fact that he was right. She had nothing on him. Nothing substantial that could be proven in a court of law. Still, it happened, and she remembered, even if she didn’t want to. She opened her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks unwillingly. “You’re wrong. He’ll believe me. So will everyone here. You can’t stop me.”

“But you won’t.” There was something different in his voice, less calm than it was before, edged with slight panic. Somehow, she didn’t like that either. Before she could think too much about it, however, Ian took her by the wrist and dragged her from the bathroom, and she could only dig her heels uselessly into the floor. When he had enough of her resistance, he moved a hand to her hair, yanking until she had no choice but to let him have what he wanted. He dragged her to the side of the bed, and when he yanked her up, she could only stumble helplessly into the mattress, trying to move away, but his grip held firm. “We don’t have to do it like this.”

She could only watch in horror as he leaned over her again. He could play dumb before, pretend he didn’t know what he was doing the first time, but there was no denying it now. “Do it like what? You want me to just lie there? I won’t. When I get out of here, I’ll tell him who you are, and you’ll be done.”

Ian only leaned down, his eyes angry, but she could still see the panic. He believed her, at least a little. “Bet you’ll fuck him right after too. You know he doesn’t love you. Not like I do. You know he’s just there to use you like every one of these other girls. He just wants to fuck you because he knows you’re a slut who will let him. He doesn’t care about you.”

Jen scooted away, but his hands gripped both her ankles, pinning her there yet again. She dug her nails into the duvet as she vehemently shook her head. “He does care. He cares more than you ever have.”

“No, he—”

“When he kisses me, I forget about you. Every single time. I just want him.” Ian didn’t have to know, but she just kept talking. He didn’t have to know, but she wanted to tell him just how much she was moving on. “He’s held me while I’ve slept, stopped when I wanted him to, taken me out and held my hand when you never could. He is better than you will ever be.”

Before he got the chance to do anything else, she kicked in his direction, missing his face but hitting his shoulder, and with the loosened grip from shock, she crawled across the bed, stumbling onto the ground, the door so close.  _ So _ close, but she was barely on her feet before he was gripping her again and pushing her back into the wall.

“Hel—!” she tried to shout as a last-ditch effort even if she knew no one would hear, and his hand immediately covered her mouth, smothering any last chance she had. She took a final look around the room, at the set-up that was so familiar to hers, at the spot where she’d caught Sara and Randall kissing, at the bed that was now wrinkled that she was sure he had plans for. 

She could feel the tears slipping out of her eyes, but she was more focused on the press of his body against her and the hot breath against her ear as he spoke again. “Anything he’s done doesn’t matter. You are  _ mine. _ ” His hand shifted lower, and then it slipped under her shirt, caressing her skin. “You would have nothing without me. Think about everything I’ve sacrificed to be with you, Jennie.” Finally, his hand moved from under her shirt to the other side of her face, brushing her tears away. It always felt so much nicer when Arin did it. “I love you,” he murmured as he leaned in to kiss her. “I love you so much.”

Before she could even think about the words and how much she hated them, how much she wanted to wash her mouth from the feeling of his lips or scrub away his touch, there was a noise and then her name was shouted into the room.

At first, she thought she’d imagined Idalia’s voice as one last nice thing to hear before what he was planning, but then the door slammed shut, and her eyes flew open to the view of Idalia in the flesh and, more surprisingly, Arin. Somehow, she wished he wasn’t here, wished he didn’t have to see this because she knew how he would feel.

Ian’s grip on her loosened, at least, letting go of her completely except for a single hand remaining on the back of her neck. Her hand immediately came up to brush over her lips where he’d kissed her again as he whispered into her ear, “Don’t do anything stupid.” His attention went back to Arin and Idalia, and his voice was lighter, but she could still sense the panic in the tone. “Let's not do anything rash. Tell them you’re okay, Jennie.”

She didn’t answer, just kept her eyes on the floor and fingers pressed to her lips as if it would help, but it only replicated the feeling.

“Mr. Mondeli,” Idalia said, and she still couldn’t let herself look up. “I think from our talk you are well aware we are past formalities. I warned you not to overstep. No one here is blind. I suggest you let go of the thought this is going to end in any way that’s favorable for you. Now step away from her.”

She wished she didn’t need anyone to rescue her. She wished she could’ve stopped it herself.

Though she didn’t try to move, Ian’s grip went from her neck to her hair and yanked her back toward him, a pained cry escaping her as he did so. His other hand settled on her waist. “I'm not sure your definition of overstepping is the same as mine, Miss Moretti, because I believe you are the ones getting involved in something that doesn't concern you.”

At the new position, Jen’s gaze couldn’t help but shift up to see the two of them standing there just in time to see Arin lurch forward but stop from Idalia’s grip on his arm. “It may or may not concern Miss Moretti,” he said, voice deadly calm, “but it sure as hell does concern me.” He slipped from Idalia’s grasp and took another step toward them. “You have until the count of 5 to let Jen go. 1... 2…”

There were a few moments of just silence, and she could practically hear Ian’s thought processes as he considered what to do, how he could get out of this unscathed, but she didn’t care either way. She just wanted out. She just needed him to stop touching her. Unfortunately, Ian had other ideas as he yanked her back into a kiss right in front of them. Everything she hated about it was now front and center, and her friends had to watch. He had no right to do this. He had no right to make a spectacle out of her pain.

Before she could really think about it, Jen brought her fist to his face, making contact with his cheek hard, and she finally slipped from his grasp for the last time, stumbling to the side to distance herself.

“Jen—”

“Fuck you.”

Jen couldn’t quite recollect what happened next, ears suddenly flooded with everything at once. The numbness in her fist, a slam against the wall, Idalia’s voice in her ears. Too much. She couldn’t breathe.

“J, are you alright?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered before taking off to the bathroom yet again, locking the door behind her.

She went to the counter immediately, not sparing herself a glance in the mirror as she turned on the sink and hunched over it, not able to stop tears from escaping. He did it again. He kissed her. It was one of the only things she’d reclaimed for herself, and he came back and did it again.

Sobs escaping more and more hurriedly, she washed her lips with the water handful by handful. When that didn’t work, she moved to her mouth, scrubbing her tongue even if he hadn’t touched it. And when that didn’t work, she used soap, which only made her hunch over even more as she choked, and it still didn’t work. 

She looked up at herself then and saw her messy hair and tear-stained cheek, and she leaned forward, pressing her face against the mirror as she cried.

Everyone knew now. God knew what Ian was telling them. Lies, but maybe ones they would believe.

No. They wouldn’t. Jen knew they would believe her. Ian was wrong. He wasn’t going to get his way this time.

At some point, Jen just hunched over the sink, water dripping from her mouth, soap still lingering on her tongue in some vague, uncomfortable sense, and stared at herself in the mirror, tuning out Idalia’s voice outside the door or whatever else was happening outside. She didn’t want to know.

She wished she could open the door, wished she could tell Idalia she was okay when she sounded so worried, but she couldn’t face that reality yet. It was just easier to pretend. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend it never happened. It was just an early morning. She was running late for breakfast as was usual for her. The person knocking at the door was Galilee, begging her to hurry up again.

In reality, she expected to hear Idalia’s voice, but she didn’t.

“Jen?” She closed her eyes at hearing Arin's voice. It was both what she needed and hated at the same time. “Bee?”

More tears slipped out and then there was silence for another moment.

“Hey, J. We’re both here.” A pause. Jen started breathing calculated breaths. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Idalia’s voice was soft, and she was always warm, and even if she wanted Arin, she needed a minute to breathe with someone else. Jen turned off the water and crept to the door slowly, her fingers lingering on the door lock, and it took everything for her to allow herself to barely crack the door open. “Dal,” she choked out through the tears.

“Still here.” She moved just enough to be seen through the crack in the door. “Want to step out?”

The door cracked open a little more, and she said, “No.”

“Can I come in?”

She cracked the door just a tad bit more as an indication she could enter before returning to hunching back over the sink, and she didn’t even look over as Idalia entered.

*Idalia would walk over carefully and hesitate before putting a hand on her back, whispering softly* I know it doesn’t feel like it’s okay and—it’s not. But keep breathing, okay?

*She shook her head, leaning over the sink to cry again because man she hurts* Dal, he--he...

*Idalia's heart breaks yet again and she almost wants to tear up with her but she doesn’t. Instead, she quickly gets her some paper and when she walks back, she wraps her arm around Jen’s waist softly, standing on her side. Gently, she tries to wipe some tears away* It won’t happen again

*Jen leans into the touch, clutching the paper but not pressing it to her face as she cries a little harder* He came back.

This time. Not again. *holds her a bit steadier. As if her steadiness can wash over her* He won’t be able to slip out of this one. *frowns, fearful she will be wrong. Fearful she doesn’t know enough* If- if he does, it doesn’t matter. Maybe he came back... but you fought back and you’re not alone anymore. *leans closer to her face, gentle* Did you hear me?

*A small nod. Her eyes flit to hers* Dal... *Her voice is a whisper but a bit calmer*

*wipes another tear, offering the softest smile. The type of smile that says something good will come* You don’t have to talk... *moves her hand from Jen’s waist to brush away hair from her tears. Still soft* Perhaps a little brash, but I would say what you did tonight was one of the bravest things I’ll ever see.

*Her lip quivers at the words, sniffling a little and feeling just a little more okay* Doesn't feel like it.

*quiet chuckle* Well, bravery has never been quite about what one feels. *she takes her shoulders and guides her to leans against the sink, assessing her face and getting more paper* Bravery is about what you do. *she makes her way back to her and gets a piece of paper damp before moving to clean under her eyes* It’s about unexpected strength. *pause, reading her eyes* About strength not easily seen.

*Quieter* I let him do this. I should've said something.

*small frown, eyes concerned again. Smile gone* It didn’t seem to me like you let him do anything, Jen.

I had so many opportunities to run and I didn't. I didn't want him to be mad. *These are the first times she admits these things out loud, and her voice is a bit ashamed of what happened*

*silent for a moment as she cleans. Thinking. Processing. Then a whisper as she stops cleaning* Jen... he made you think he was everything you had. It makes sense you’d be scared to see someone that enforced so much over you angry

*She goes silent, just letting herself be next to her friend, but she doesn't comment on the fact yet* Where... *She pauses, not sure if she wants to know* What happened? *Her voice is even quieter*

*we can say she looks down briefly at the question but looks back up and finishes up cleaning. Then she pulls Jen into a full hug, arms wrapped around her neck and closing her eyes. She waits a moment to say to avoid alarm for now* Arin dealt with him while I was at the door. I called Wylan and he’s getting some guards right now

Arin. Is he... okay?

*/No./ She swallows because after what happens, she doubts it. She’s still somewhat upset he got out of control, but she herself was quite—she doesn’t even want to think about it. at least physically...* For the most part I would say.

*She sniffles a little and nods because she understands* Would you mind if... *She trails off, eyes going to the door. She doesn't want to ask this of her friend, but she needs her boy too*

*she smiles a bit. squeezes her tighter in a hug. murmurs* Sure thing. *then she pulls away and cups Jen's face briefly to squeeze her cheeks in* If you need anything else tonight you can text me, okay?

*She sniffles and nods, eyes going from Idalia then back to the ground*

*So she and idalia would be in there for a few minutes with the door shut. He probably wouldn't hear anything until idalia comes out again. Jen would've asked for him, so I assume idalia would've said something like that. The door would probably be cracked open so that he could enter*

*Arin was sitting on the bed still- just watching ian breathe even if he shouldn't be. When Idalia says her thing he stands up somewhat shakily and gives her a nod as he walks to the door. He lightly taps but doesn't say anything because when he said something before she didn't reply*

*She's silent for a moment, waiting for him to enter, and when he doesn't, she softly says his name, not completely trusting her voice*

*he pushes the door open and slips inside, shutting it behind him. He presses his back against the door as he looks at her. And honestly he probably looks banged up and there's likely blood on him*

*She's leaning against the counter with her arms wrapped around herself still. Her eyes go to him, but they don't meet his, just to go to the blood on his hands* Are you... *Her breathing picks up a little* Are you okay?

*he looks down at his hands and swallows. Arin puts them behind and leans back against the doors again. He doesn't answer her at first because he isn't then finally he says* I don't think most of it's mine.

*She heaves a heavy breath because she doesn't want to imagine what happened out there. Instead of asking, she takes a step forward and reaches out for his hand* Can I?

*he nods lowly and pulls his hands out from behind his back and holds one out to her and he looks her over but still doesn't speak because he knows she isn't okay*

*She takes his hand gingerly and pulls him toward the sink. In the light, she sucks in a breath from seeing the dried blood and split knuckles, a part of her mind panicking and the other side just needing to do something. She pulls him toward the sink and turns on the water* Put it under when it's warm. *She says it quietly, stepping around him to go to a shelf and pick out a wash cloth. She's trying to do /something/ to keep herself from breaking down again because she knows if she stops moving she will*

*he does as she says and slips his hand beneath the water when it's warm. He hisses with the pain but leaves it as she goes to get the wash cloth*

*She returns with more than one because the blood isn't his own and she figured she might need it. She soaks the wash cloth in the water and starts cleaning his hand very gently of the blood, avoiding his knuckles as best she can. Her eyes still don't meet his* Thank you for coming.

*he pulls his hand back from her with a heavy breath and murmurs* Please don't. *he keeps his eyes fixed on the sink*

*She pauses when he pulls away, still holding the wash cloth with her hand as it drips into the sink. She doesn't know whether he means don't clean his hand or thank him, but either way it hurts* Arin... *Her voice is quiet, distraught*

*he turns away and little and presses his palms against the counter and leans forward, trying to take calm breaths. He closes his eyes* I- I've never done that before. *he swallows- feeling the guilt from what he's done but also talking about himself*

*She's not entirely sure what he's referencing, but she assumes he means the blood. She steps a little closer and lets out a shaky breath* I'm sorry you had to. *Her eyes go down to his hands again, still not clean, and she slowly feels herself losing it a little bit the longer she stands there* Can I help you? Please.

*Ian's words replay in his minds as he looks up and her with a lost look and murmurs* I didn't have to. I  _ wanted _ to.

*Slowly losing it indeed because the next shaky breath is accompanied by more tears threatening to spill* I'm sorry. *She presses closer to him, genuinely feeling like all of this was her fault*

*he pulls back from the counter and turns to her. He reaches out somewhat cautiously and pulls her into a hug, holding her close to him. Arin still tries to take steadying breaths*

*She immediately wraps her arms around him, her fingers digging into his back, and she doesn't try to stop the tears now because she knows she doesn't need to*

*he leans back against the counter, pulling her with him. One arm stays wrapped around her waist while he reaches up with his free hand to pat her hair* I'm so sorry. *his voice breaks somewhat* I did this.

Don't. *She can't hear the blame in her head anymore. She sucks in a breath* It's not... It's not your fault.

*he tenses at her words* I invited him here.

I know. *She lifts a hand to his cheek and finally looks up at him, noticing the dried blood on his face that she wasn't sure who it belonged to. She wets another washcloth quickly before bringing it to his face* Tell me you didn't mean it.

*he can't look at her as she wipes the blood from his face* I didn't mean to. *he grimaces at the memory off speaking with Ian on the phone* I- I misunderstood and I overstepped.

*She finishes with his face quickly, a little more at ease now that the blood is gone even if he still looks rough. At his words, she returns her arms to waist and squeezes. She mumbles when she speaks again* Not your fault.

*he holds her back and presses his cheek against the top of her head. He breathes in deeply. Arin knows it really is his fault but there's no point in saying that so he says the thing he knows he needs to- for both of them* It's going to be okay.

*it doesn't take long for her to start crying again, pressing her face against his chest as she does so. There's so many things she wants to say and do, but her mind is racing* Arin, he--he...

*his breath catches and strokes her hair. He does his best to swallow his own feelings about the situation.* You don't have to say anything.

*She keeps hold of him, still thinking too much, especially about one thing in particular* I didn't want to kiss him. I'm sorry.

*he shakes his head* Jen... he kissed you... I- please don't be sorry for what happened.

I didn't want to. *Another shaky breath* I didn't want any of it. *She shuts her eyes as her head goes to a different place again, the only thing keeping her grounded him holding her. Quieter, she says* I just wanted to work on my essay.

*he swallows as he does his own thinking and struggles with not knowing the right thing to say. Then maybe for the first time something clicks and he realizes he can relate even if it's only on the tiniest level and doesn't feel like it's worth much* I just wanted a walk in the gardens.

*She pauses for a moment, shifting a little against his chest as she's taken out of what she was remembering* What do you mean?

That day in the attic you asked me about my first kiss. *he’s silent a moment* And I told you about the Spanish Infanta.

*She's silent because while she'd made the connection before of what happened to him was, she figured he hadn't. Her fingers brush softly against his back as she holds him* I'm sorry that happened.

*he’s quiet while he keeps holding her, just trying to focus on the way he can feel her breathing and how he doesn’t want to let go of her*

*She doesn't speak, just letting the silence hang between them, but it isn't awkward. She just wants to hold him. After a bit, she speaks again* Is he alive?

*he tenses at the mention of what just happened because he doesn’t know how to feel about what he did and the fact he wishes Ian was dead. He answers softly* I think so.

What's going to happen? *She asks meaning a lot of different things. To him, to you, to us*

*he shakes his head and admits* I don’t. I… once we walk out the door everything will be different. *he hesitates* It’s already different.

*That's not the answer she wanted to hear, but she wasn't sure what she wanted either. Either way, it's what she expected* I understand if this... *She pauses because God she doesn't want to day this* If this changes how you feel about me. I can... */go/*

*he thinks back to what ian said and how he'll only hurt her and as much as he doesn't want to believe it's true he can't brush them off. his voice is almost a whisper* Do you want to go home?

*She sucks in a breath, feeling like everything is crashing down around her, but she keeps her voice as steady as she can* Do you want me to?

No. I don’t. *he pulls back to look at her*

I told you I would stay until you didn't want me. *Her eyes don't meet his, stuck firmly on his chest. She's referencing that first night in the kitchen where they held each other* I meant it.

Jen… Can you look at me? *he peers down at her, just wanting to see her face*

*Her eyes tentatively go up to meet his, and she looks rough in every aspect*

*he looks her over and then gives her a pleading look* Tell me what to do?

*She lets out another shaky breath and shakes her head* Just stay.

I'll stay. *he breathes, trying to search her face for any hint of fear she might have*

*She doesn't say anything, just goes in to hug him again because that's when she feels the most okay. After a moment, she speaks again* I don't know what else to say.

You don’t have to say anything. *he glances to the door and takes a deep breath then looks back to her* They’re probably waiting for us.

*She nods once and then pulls back, her eyes going to the door* I don't think I can stay here for much longer, but... *Her eyes go to his* I'm scared to go back out there.

*he nods in understanding* It's just Idalia and Wylan. No one else.

No one. *She nods and lets out a shaky breath* Okay.

No one. *he repeats, reaching for her hand* I promise.

*She nods again and lets him take her hand, eyes going back to the door as she waits for him to make the first move*

*Arin steps towards the door. When he reaches for the handle he looks back at her for confirmation that he's ready*

*She follows him, sticking close as she just focuses on breathing, but she gives him a nod when he looks back at her*

*Arin pulls the door open by the handle and leads Jen out into the bedroom, still holding her hand. He's a bit less bloody than before and visibly more calm*

*Arin pulls the door open by the handle and leads Jen out into the bedroom, still holding her hand. He's a bit less bloody than before and visibly more calm*

*Jen sticks close to him, breathing heavy but controlled breaths, and her eyes stay on the floor before she looks to Wylan and Idalia and keeping her eyes on them only*

*imma say that wylan probably is a bit more clean BUT ALSO I MEAN NO WATER, so still some blood on his face. love that for him. they probably sat down on the bed next to each other, but i think she would stand up slowly when they come out. her eyes look red-rimmed but she offers a small smile that dies down quickly. she looks at arin briefly, then settles on jen. quietly* Would it be terrible of me to ask for one last hug?

*Jen gives her the smallest hint of a smile before letting go of arin and wrapping her arms around Idalia, holding her tightly and burying her face into her shoulder* I love you, Dal.

*Arin walks towards the door and stares at Wylan- trying to give him a look like “we’ll talk later” while he waits.*

*she lets out a shuddery breath before closing her eyes, squeezing her in their embrace, and mumbling* Love you too, J. Let me know when you want me to stop by. Whenever.

I know. *Jen lets out another shaky breath and gives her one last squeeze before letting go. She takes a step back, about to head toward Arin, but her eyes go to Wylan and the bit of dried blood* You too. For being there first.

*Arin turns and reaches for the door. Realizing he should maybe say something he looks back at Wylan and Idalia* I guess we'll just leave you to it. *he feels like and idiot because that was the best thing he could come up with to say*

*Wylan offers Jen a weak, pained smile. a little nasally like when you’re congested* Let me know if you need me to come to your aid again. I’m only a floor away

I will. *She offers him the same weak smile before stepping away and going back to Arin, her eyes trained down at the floor. She takes his hand again*

*my clueless boi. Wylan looks from Jarin to Idalia, in pain, and just really wanting to know what’s going on*

*Arin gives them a nod then yeets on out into the hall with Jen, closing the door behind him*

*Her eyes survey around the hall for a moment, thinking about how she'd gotten here before she looks up at him* Where?

*he looks a bit lost because really he hadn't thought of where they would go he just knew they couldn't stay in that room. He looks around then back to her* Let's get you taken care of. *he leads her down the hall towards her room*

*She simply gives a nod and sniffles again before looking back down the hall* Okay.

*they reach her bedroom door and he leads her inside, very aware that this is so much different than when they were in her room before. He switches on the light and closes the door behind her. He stops and looks at her* How about a shower?

*Her eyes also go around the room, but at the suggestion they settle on the floor. She nods* Okay. *Her eyes go to his hands again and the blood* You should... change too.

*he looks down at his clothes and nod then his eyes go to her* Will you be okay? 

*She's not sure, but she nods, offering a very small smile* I think so.

I'll come back. *he lets go of her hand and steps towards the door* Okay?

*Quieter, she takes a step back* Okay.

*he glances at her once more before he slips out into the hall*

*Not long later, she would still be in the shower when he arrived, the room just the same as they'd left it*

*he looks around and paces for the first few minutes he waits before he goes and sits on the end of her bed*

*20 minutes later, the water is still running and she hasn't gotten out yet*

*at this point Arin is pretty concerned and he gets up from the bed and walks to the door, knocking gently*

*She doesn't answer probably because she doesn't hear him*

*He knocks again* Jen...?

*there's a moment with just the shower running, and then it's off and there's just silence until she speaks* Yeah?

Are you- *he pauses knowing he shouldn't ask if she's okay. So he rephrases* What can I do?

*Another moment of silence with nothing. After a moment, she answers* Just... *Pause* I'll be out soon.

Okay. *he steps away from the door and goes back to sit on the bed. This time he lays back on the mattress and stares up at the ceiling and just thinks*

*She comes out a few minutes later in a hoodie and leggings, slipping out of the bathroom to see where he's at. When she sees him on her bed, she watches for a minute before approaching* Comfortable? *She's joking but it doesn't sound like it*

*he half sits up, using his elbows to prop his body up* Not particularly. *he looks her over like he's trying to make sure she's really okay even though he knows she isn't*

*She just kinda climbs over his legs to sit next to him with crossed legs, her eyes trained down as she pulls half of her wet hair over her shoulder just to do something with her hands*

*Arin fulls sits up and looks at her, aware of the silence between them. He watches her as she sits there looking down.*

*Her hands keep touching her hair, drawing out little drips of water as she considers what to say. After a moment, she takes his hand to look at them* Does it hurt? *She mostly asks just to say something*

*he shakes his head even though it does because that's not what he's concerned about* It's fine. *he looks at their hands and lets out a breath before he murmurs* I never meant to hurt you.

*She swallows nervously at the words, not what she wanted to be reminded of but knowing they had to talk about it* Arin...

*he looks up at her with a tired and pained expression*

*the hand she's not holding goes to his face* I know you didn't. *Her voice is quieter*

*he closes his eyes when her hand touches his face and takes shaky breath.* But I did. *he pulls his hand from hers*

*When he pulls his hand away, she lets out a shaky breath, already feeling herself about to crack again* Please don't.

*he opens his eyes to look at her* I can't do it. *he doesn't pull away but he retreats within himself*

*She sucks in a breath because that wasn't what she wanted to hear. Her lip starts to tremble in the slightest bit* Arin...

*the way she says his name hurts but in his head he thinks it's better he hurt her now a little than a lot later* I'm sorry. *he turns his head away from her hand*

*She just knows what he means because the apology just isn't because of what happened to her, and her mind is racing because she is hurt, but this is not okay. She sucks in air through her teeth and shakes her head* No. *It's said forcefully, a little weak but stronger than she feels*

*he still moves further away but he looks back at her and breathes in confusion* No?

*She's breathing heavily, a bit from being upset but also from anger* No. *She clenches her fists* He's ruined every bit of happiness I've ever had. I'm not going to let him ruin this. No.

*he pulls away more* Jen… You know I can’t promise you anything like that. *he looks at her* We… *he prepares to say the words he feels he should say after Ian* We should stop.

*She's breathing more heavily now, tears filling her eyes, but she's not done* Tell me why.

*his breath catches and he feels so much pain seeing her like that. He swallows* Does it matter?

*She huffs out another breath* Tell me.

*he looks down at the bedspread* He’s right. All I’ll do is hurt you. It’s all I did before and it’s what I’m doing now. So we should stop while we’re ahead.

*She gives him an incredulous look, still angry, still upset, but she wants answers. She leans forward a bit, voice lowering* He raped me, and you're going to listen to what he wants instead of me?

*like an absolute moron who can't properly express his feelings in a reasonable manner he says* I would rather rip off the bandaid now than when it’s too late. I’m not good for you.

*She tears her eyes from him, shaking her head in disbelief* 'Not good for me.' *She looks back at him* What are you talking about?

I push you too far every single time and--and I always say the wrong thing. And I- *he goes quiet and looks away from her*

*She listens to him and really thinks about it because he has done things that have hurt her, but this isn't fair to either of them* And you what? You don't think I should get a say in my own life?

*he says something in little more than a whisper, not loud enough for her to hear, not looking up*

*She shakes her head, getting angrier the longer they do this, especially when he's silent* What?

*his eyes snap up to hers and in a volume that is just a little bit louder than it needs to be he says* I'm scared.

*At the confession, the anger dissipates just a little. All she wants is some actual honesty* Why?

*he keeps looking at her* Because I’ve been here before and I know how it ends. 

And this was all so much easier when you hated me.

*She falls silent for a moment at his words, knowing what he means but also not. Her voice is quieter this time* How does it end?

*he takes a deeps breath and his eyes go to get hand because usually she's touching him somehow* Look at the mess around us.

Is it bad to let yourself have one good thing in the middle of it all? *She swallows again, trying to calm herself just a little more even if she's still angry. A little quieter* I'm scared too, Arin, but I don't want to run.

*he dares to reach for her hand even if he can tell she’s angry* What do you want then? 

I'm scared of what I want the most. *She sighs through her nose, looking down at her hand in his* If you really want me to leave, if you can't imagine me... *She trails off racking her mind for the right words* If you can't imagine me with you, then that's okay. I wouldn't want you to be unhappy. *She cracks half a smile* Better timing would've been appreciated, but I won't hold anything against you.

Jen, I don't know what I want. *he pulls his hand away when she doesn't hold him back* I'm barely staying afloat.

*She hadn't even thought of holding him, so when he pulls his hand back it surprises her a little, but she didn't mind it, so she immediately takes it back* Is there anything I can do?

*he’s surprised when she takes his hand but he keeps it in hers* Don’t go. Please. I don’t know what I want but I know I want you here… *he pauses* With me.

*She sucks in a breath at that but immediately squeezes his hand* Okay. I'll stay. *She meets his eyes then, a lot of different things on her mind now that their altercation has dissolved itself for the most part* Just...

*he looks down again as he thinks of what she might say. Maybe she doesn't like him or maybe she'll agree that they should stop. In a murmur he asks* Just what?

Whatever he told you, please don't listen. I've... *her eyes shift from his out of... shame almost* I've been listening to the same shit for a decade. Just don't. Please.

*he squeezes her hand and pulls it more to him* I- I know I shouldn't believe him but some of what he said... *Arin shakes off the thought and looks at her* It doesn't matter. You're right.

*She shifts a little so that she's sitting next to him and let's go of his hand to wrap an arm around his back before taking the hand she let go of with her free hand. She lets her head rest against his shoulder/arm* It's hard, you know? Forgetting. Any of it. *She pauses, not really sure why she's talking but also feeling like she needs to* He told me to sign up for his class, and I trusted him, so I did. Our first paper, he gave me a 67 and told me to come to office hours. *Her fingers tighten around him just a bit* That was the first time he did it.

*he pulls his hand from hers when she takes it so he can pull her closer. He sucks in a deep breath when she starts to speak about Ian and his grip on her when she talks about the first time* There will never be another first time for him again.

*She gives a small nod because she assumed as much, but it's nice to hear the reassurance* I just... worry. Not about him, but... his daughter just started college. His wife was like a second mother to me. My family... *She shudders out a breath*

*he pulls her so her knees are over his legs so he can hold her closer* Are you afraid?

*Her grip tightens as tears threaten to spill again* I just don't want to see the look in my dad's eye if I tell him.

*he gives her a concerned look because he can understand how hard that would be* Would it help if Idalia was there? *he pauses then says softly* Or me?

*She sniffles a little* I don't know. I can't even imagine doing it at all, but tomorrow when Ian isn't at breakfast, when I'm not there either... they're going to want answers, and I don't know if I can give them.

*he swallows and thinks that over with a frown* You won't be at breakfast?

I don't think so. *Quieter* I... tend to skip meals when I feel bad.

*he leans his head against her* So breakfast in bed tomorrow morning?

*She hums quietly, rubbing her fingers against his waist* Maybe.

*he gently rubs her back* Can that maybe be a yes?

*She glances up at him, smiling just a bit* Maybe.

*he sighs* I can talk to your maids. You really should eat.

*Seeing that he actually seems concerned, she gives him a squeeze* I'll try to. Don't worry about me.

*he looks at her with a frown* Only if you won't worry about me.

*She smiles a bit wider at that* I guess we'll have to settle with worrying then.

*he purses his lips, somewhat lost in thought but then he nods and answers without really thinking* Yeah...

*She shifts a little against him, trying to look at him more* You want to lie down?

*he looks back at her sort of coming to but then he gives her a grateful nod* Maybe for just a bit.

*She bites back disappointment because she really wanted him to stay, but she takes what she can get. She lets go of him so that she can lie down*

*he lays down beside her and turns to face her, giving her a tired look. He scoots in a bit*

*Her arms go to wrap around him immediately, holding him close as she faces him, eyes poring over his expression to see if he's alright* What are you thinking about?

*his eyes meet hers and he takes a moment before he says* That I went too far and I was so close to doing something I couldn't undo. 

*She has two thoughts in mind for which he means. Ian. She'd seen the blood and his knuckles, and she wasn't sure she wanted to see what he looked like now. The other, her. Almost stopping whatever they hadbut she's not going to ask him to specify. Instead her hand goes to cup his jaw* But you didn't. That's what matters.

*his expression becomes more guilt ridden* I wanted to. *he holds her gaze*

*She sucks in a breath and her hand strokes her thumb again his cheek as she holds him but still wishing he was closer. There are tears in her eyes again* You didn't, Arin. *She closes her eyes for a second, and they're glassy when she opens them again* You stopped.

*he grimaces but scoots closer. Arin gives her a more concerned look when he sees how close she is to tear* Please don't cry. *he whispers* 

*She brings both hands up to wipe her eyes* I don't usually cry this much.

*he reaches up one of his hand to cover hers* And I don't usually hit people. *he takes a breath* I think we're both just a bit lost at the moment.

*She sniffles, removing her hand to hold it between them, her eyes a bit red* I don't want to be lost anymore. I was... *She lets out a shaky breath, removing her eyes from him* I felt like I was getting better.

*he tenses and squeezes her hand thinking to himself  _ and then I brought him here _ . But he doesn't say it and instead says a stupid arin thing* Maybe we just need a map.

*She smiles a bit at that* Draw one for us then.

*he frowns at the thought* I'm not very artistic.

*She huffs a small laugh, her hand going to his waist again and touching the skin just under the hem* Describe it then.

*he blinks in surprise and takes a deep breath* Um.... *he's distracted by the feeling of her hands on his skin because he feels conflicted* It was more of a metaphorical map.

*Seeing his discomfort, she removes her hand from his shirt, furrowing her eyebrows* Was that not okay?

*he closes his eyes* It was fine I just wasn't expecting that. I'm sorry.

*She scoots a little closer, her hand going to his face again* Tell me what's wrong. *Her voice is soft, and she just stares at him, so concerned she did something because he doesn't seem okay*

I just don't know where we're going and I don't like the uncertainty. *he takes a deep breath* And this right here, right now.... feels- *he searches for the word but he draws a blank*

*She keeps her eyes on him while he talks, and when he pauses, she simply waits for him, not wanting to interrupt*

*he shakes his head, unable to come up with the word he wants* I don't know what this feels like.

Is it... bad? Should I stop? *She still doesn't touch him, doesn't want to do anything he doesn't want*

*he shakes his head* No, it's fine. I think I'm still just trying to find my footing. *he purses his lips* Right now what do you need?

*She looks at him for a moment, not having expected that question, but she thinks nevertheless. After a moment, She looses a breath slowly before saying what she really wants to, keeping his eyes on him to gauge his reaction* Just you.

*his heart starts beating faster as he looks at her* Are you sure? *idk man it is half past three and imma she he is a wee bit shook and she could probably tell*

*She smiles at his shookness, finally setting her hand on his waist again* Of course I am.

*he pulls he closer and murmurs* Okay. *he reaches a hand up and gently cups her face in the way boys do*

*She closes her eyes for a moment, just letting herself breathe and feel like she's okay for a second, but her mind keeps racing until it seems to settle on one thought* Arin?

*he watches the way she closes her eyes but he still doesn't take his eyes off of her even if he's confused and a little concerned* Yeah?

*She meets his eyes again and lets out a breath because her heart is beating so fast because she's terrified of his answer. Her voice lowers into a murmur* Will you... kiss me?

*more shooky surprise pikachu boy look as he watches her* Are you sure...?

*She nods a little, more at ease from the answer than she was before* Please. I just... want things to feel normal again.

*without waiting he leans in and gently kisses her before pulling back. He waits for her reaction*

*Her hands go to her lips almost on instinct when he pulls away, eyes averted as she thinks. After a moment she moves her hand to the side of his face and looks at him* Again?

*there's the tiniest flicker of amusement when she says AGAIN but he nonetheless leans in and presses his lips to hers*

*She kisses him back a little timidly at first, but she presses closer, bringing her hand up to his hair as she gets more comfortable with the fact that she's okay with this*

*he kisses her back, moving closer. The kiss is gentle and soft and cinnamon and spice and everything nice- then he pulls away again*

Okay? *he breathes*

*She nods and smiles a bit as she moves closer yet again* You're...

*he raises his eyebrows* I'm?

*She's not sure if she should say it considering what happened last time it was brought up, but she does anyway* Good for me.

*he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath because just maybe those words mean something. he strokes her face with his thumb as he processes her words*

*She furrows her eyebrows, a bit concerned at the reaction. She leans in to press a kiss against his cheek* Are you okay?

*he keeps his eyes closed and nods even if he's not saying yes* I will be,

*She understands but doesn't speak right away, just pressing her body against him to be close. She rests her face directly next to his and brushes her hand over his hair* We will be. *Her voice is so soft* One day I'm going to have a day where I don't think about him, and you're going to have a day where whatever you're going through right now in that head of yours is gone too. I promise.

*he opens his eyes to look at her and there's a flicker of ((a word i have been looking for for 10 whole as minutes so screw it I guess this will have to do)) of hope (?) in his eyes. Arin strokes her cheeks again.* There's always tomorrow.

*She smiles a little at that* I'm not sure I can swing that, but I can try if you promise me something.

*he gives her a somewhat tired half smile because he really is trying to feel better and to make her feel comfortable* What's that?

*Her voice goes a little quieter* Stop blaming yourself. I already blame myself enough. I don't... *She sighs* I don't need to worry about you doing it too.

*there's a sharp intake of breath and his face falls* I'm not ready to do that just yet. But I can try. *Arin gives her an apologetic look*

*She gives him a small nod, averting her eyes* I understand. Just remember he was the one trying to hurt me, not you. You're not like him. *Her eyes go back to him* You're so much better than he is in every way imaginable.

I- *he searches for the words he wants to say and just comes up short. He's silent a few moments then swallows and says in a soft and genuine tone* Thank you for being my friend.

*She smiles a little, leaning just a bit closer* Thank you for being my friend too. *She shifts a little, rubbing her thumb over his cheek again* For lack of a better word.

*he snuggles closer*  _ Sometimes  _ *he says that like it doesn't necessarily apply to present moment* It's all that you need.

*Her hand goes from his face to his shoulder to his arm and then back to his waist, and she's a lot less oh arin than I am. She smiles, a little more flirty* And /other/ times?

*there's more of a smile now as just a sliver of normal Arin peeks through and there's a little flirty amusement in his voice* I'm still figuring that out.

*She leans into press her lips to the corner of his mouth before pulling back a little with a smile* Friends are always better, I think.

*he hums a little noises of agreement and says* Friends are much better. *he leans back in to kiss her again, still soft and sweet but there’s a glimmer of something more*

*She makes a noise of agreement as he kisses her, hand on his waist going up to his hair as she pulls him closer to her*

*his hand reaches back further to go through her hair. He’s still gently kissing her when he pulls back to kiss her her cheek, then her jaw, then her mouth again.*

*When he pulls away to kiss her cheek, she says his name, not in a horny way but just because she wants to and immediately kisses him back for a moment before pulling away to press her lips against his neck* So good.

*he tilts his head to the side so she can kiss his neck more easily and he mumbles his agreement somewhat breathlessly* Not too bad. *his fingers are still running through her hair*

*She huffs a little laugh into his skin* No, you. So good. *She moves and kisses his jaw* So cute. *She kisses the corner of his mouth* Sometimes an asshole. *She pulls away, not kissing his lips but stays close*

*he’s surprised by her words because he didn’t think she was talking about him. He can’t help but be breathless from the way she’s kissing him* Always clever. *he presses his lips to hers again*

*She mumbles an "Always" before continuing to kiss him, still gentle but with more firmness*

*his heart is POUNDING ((just like mine because my mama walked in while I was mid freak out)) as he kisses her more deeply, shifting so he’s still on his side but leaning over her*

*She puts her hand on his waist and clutches him, pulling to be closer, but there's a bit of hesitance in the way she kisses back*

*he pulls away and looks down at her in confusion because he’s distracted by kissing but then he pulls away more in understanding* I’m sorry. *he says breathlessly*

*She's silent for a moment, thinking too much, but then she looks up at him with a weak smile* No, you're okay. Don't apologize. I think I just... need a bit of time before we do that again.

*he nods and pulls away.* I understand. *He sits up and runs his fingers through his hair to try and undo the mess she’s probably turned it into* Of course. *he looks ahead*

*She stares up at him, not shifting After a few moments of silence, she asks him what's really on her mind* What's going to happen to him?

*he doesn’t look back at her, deciding to focus straight ahead on some point in her room* I don’t know. But if I hadn’t stopped that wouldn’t have been an issue. *he absentmindedly clenches his hand into a fist, tugging at his hair*

*She lays there for a moment, a bit unsettled by what he said. She sits up again and looks over at him* Arin...

*he lets go of his hair and looks at her over his shoulder, still tense and angry at the thought of Ian and the fact that while he is still somewhat distraught that he almost killed someone it doesn't change the fact that Ian still has a future*

*She crosses her legs and turns to him, reaching a hand to take on of his into both of hers, clutching it* That isn't who you are. I'm here. I'm... */okay/ except she isn't* I'm safe. Don't think like that. Please.

*he lets out a breath, knowing that he's still angry but he can save that for later when he isn't with Jen. Arin nods* You're safe. *he turns more towards her*

I wish he was dead sometimes too. *Her eyes avert from his from the confession* But that's not my decision, and... *She heaves a breath and swallow the lump in her throat* I wouldn't want to cause more damage than I have already to his family.

*he gives her hands a squeeze* Any damage to his family has been his own doing. *he says that with conviction but then there’s that little spark that dims when he thinks of all the things he’s done wrong*

*She presses her lips together, silent, but then nods* I just want them to be okay. It wasn't their fault for what he did.

*he nods in understanding but he still has his jaw set and he’s still mildly lost in thought* They need to know. And with this I’m not sure there’s a way for them to be okay.

*She clutches him a little tighter* I know. I just... She's done so much for me. I don't know if it'd be worse if they hated me or said they were sorry.

*he's silent a moment because he doesn't have an answer because he can understand where she'd coming from but then he breaks the silence* If we don't do anything I think we'll feel worse. 

*She sighs* I wish he'd just stayed away. I wouldn't have bothered him if he listened to me. Everything would've been fine.

*that makes him go silent again because Jen just reminded him that he's the reason Ian was able to do that in the first place* I will never be able to undo what I do or what he did. *he stops short of what he really wants to say*

*Her face falls a little as she looks at him because she wasn't even thinking about him when he said that. She clutches his hand even harder* Arin, please stop.

*he goes to pull away but when her grip tightens he doesn’t and he doesn’t* I can’t. Not right now. 

*She shakes her head a little when he tries to pull away* Please don't go like this. *Her voice is lower, pleading*

*his hand stiffens in hers and he does his best to still keep his voice soft and calm but his anger- not at her- creeps into his question* How do you want me to go? 

*She lets go of him then, mostly in shock, and she tries to fight the tears again* I don't.

*he tries to reach for her, knowing that she probably mistook his anger and thinks it was directed at her * It's not because I want to. I have to.

*She lets him take her hand, staring down at it with tears in her eyes because she really doesn't get it* Why?

*he goes over the reasons in his mind then takes a shuddering breath and pulls her closer and admits* Because it's what's expected.

*She lets out a shuddering breath* I don't want you to be alone when you feel like this. I don't want to be alone either.

Then I’ll stay. *he wraps his arms around her and gently rubs her back* 

*She wants to tell him that if he wants to leave he can, but he already said he wanted to stay, so she doesn't, just wraps her arms around him* Thank you. 

*he leans back onto the bed so he’s laying down, pulling her with him. He lets go of her with one hand and reaches out to pull at the duvet so it covers them in a little cocoon* 

*She's a little caught off guard by the gesture, but she appreciates it anyway, burrowing a little into him because she wants to be close. Her arm goes to wrap around him again. Her eyes glance around for a moment* We're not on the left side.

*he holds the duvet around them still as he holds her tighter* No, but at the moment it's possible we're on the right side.

*The corners of her mouth twitch up* Was that a joke? Because it was bad if it was.

*he groans and gives he a disappointed look* What if I say it was?

*She actually smiles this time as she looks up at him* Then I'd say you should tell me more.

I can do that. *he thinks for a moment then nods when he knows which joke he wants to say* Why did the bird get a ticket?

*She keep smiling, shifting a little under the covers* Why?

*he gives her a small smile and gazes at her with some amusement at the thought of how she’ll react* It broke the law of gravity.

*She bursts out into a little bit of laughter just because of how stupid it is* Nice one. If the prince thing doesn't work out, you should go into comedy.

*his smile turns into a little smirk* Do I already have my first fan?

Can't say. *She settles back into the bed a bit, smiling* I've only heard two. I'd need a whole portfolio.

What about one more. I've heard third time's the charm. *his gaze softens at the way she seems content*

*She hums* Better impress me.

Oh, you’ll love this one, it’s good. *his smile grows and he leans a little closer and half whispers* Why do hummingbirds hum?

*She narrows her eyes a little at him, still smiling and matching his half whisper* Why?

*he’s still smirking when he whispers back* They don’t know the words. *he raises his eyebrows*

*She huffs another laugh* Definitely a fan. I want your first autograph.

*he pulls away a little* I can go and get some paper and pen right now. *he pulls away a but more as if he's going to undo their cocoon and get out of bed*

Who said we needed paper? *She smirks and lifts up her arm* Sign me. I'll get it tattooed.

*he stops undoing the cocoon and there's hint of mischief in the look he gives her ((idk don't ask they be freaky))* I still don't have a pen though.

*Her smirk widens and she gestures her head to the left of them* Nightstand.

*he flips the duvet off of them* Well, then what are we waiting for? *he starts to sit up*

*She would be fine, just lie down and watch him move away, but then her eyes widen, and she sits up from what she remembers is in there* Wait, I'll get it.

*he laughs a little and tries to move so he can roll over her to get to the nightstand* Don't worry, both of my hands still work. I've got it.

*She shakes her head, trying not to seem too suspicious but obviously failing* No, it's okay.

*he rolls over her and moves towards the nightstand* I'm already halfway there.

*She removes the duvet and immediately slips her legs, watching him like oh shit* Really, I can do it.

*by the time she's out from under the covers he's already got his hand on the drawer and he's pulling it open* Slow poke.

*She squeaks a little* Arin-- *She cuts herself off and just sighs to cope with her fate. Inside is a few things she likes to keep special. The book he'd gotten signed for her that she'd riddled with notes and paper, Idalia's letter from her birthday 🎂, a stack of the notes he'd sent her after their date, the dog collar, and (you guessed it) a handful of condoms. The pen would be somewhere in there because she used it to write in the book*

*he reaches inside and tosses her a confused look as he rummages around for the pen. He feels around for it, with his hand going over the book and and the notes- which cleary aren’t the pen. The bingo he touches one of the condoms and knows what that is the second he touches it. He pauses because WOW okay*

*She waits while he looks, just KNOWING he's found her stash. When he keeps rummaging, she huffs, annoyed before scooting toward him to help him* You're not very good at finding things.

*he opens the drawer more like a nosy hoe and peers at what’s inside because he knows she knows so there’s no point in pretending* Or I’m very good at finding things. 

*She glares at him and just crosses her legs over one another on she sits on the edge of a bed* Tell me what you found then. *She raises her eyebrows*

*he looks over at her in surprise as he pulls back from the drawer because why on earth is she mad* You're mad at me?

*there's disbelief in his voice*

*At the disbelief and the way he steps back, her demeanor cracks and she smiles* Because you're bad at finding pens? Very.

*He gives her a look like "we both know I found more than the pen". Arin scoots away from the drawer, leaving enough room on the bed for her to get by him* Maybe you should get it. *he's a bit more quiet as he watches her*

*She rolls her eyes at the look he gives her but scoots to the very edge of the bed and reaches into the drawer to search for the pen. She finds it a few moments later and immediately shuts the drawer before shifting back onto the bed and lying down in the very middle, her eyes on his with a smirk as she holds out the pen for him* I tried to warn you.

*he moves so he's beside her and peers down at her. He's amused by her smirk and just watches her because this woman is unpredictable* A better warning would have been telling me exactly what was in the drawer.

*She smiles as she looks up at him* But where's the fun in that?

*seeing that she’s decided to play a game with this he nods then scoots back towards the nightstand* You’re right. Where is the fun in that? *he moves like he’s about to open the drawer*

*She just raises her eyebrows like /Bitch try me/*

*he pulls the drawer open, keeping his eyes one hers and raises his eyebrows as he reaches inside*

*She keeps her eyebrows raised* Find something interesting?

*he nods* Oh very. In fact it’s so interesting I’m curious about what’s in the rest of these drawers. *he looks down at the nightstand*

*She smirks* What are you wanting to find?

*he pulls something from from the top drawer then shuts the drawer before he rolls onto his stomach and goes to open the middle drawer* I’m not sure yet.

*She props herself up on her elbow while she watches him, amused because he's not going to find anything of interest anywhere else*

*he lets out a loud gasp*

*She blinks once, wondering if she'd somehow ended up with something questionable in one of those drawers* What?

*he shakes his head In disbelief as he stares down at the drawer* I can’t believe you.

*She sort of shifts so that she can see what the hell he's talking about*

*he rolls onto his back and looks up at her* Twilight? Of all things.

*She rolls her eyes and collapses against the bed* It's a classic.

*he just shakes his head* I can’t believe I like a woman who likes Twilight.

*She shifts onto her side and smiles, leaning forward and lowering her voice with a teasing smirk* You like me?

*he raises his eyebrows in amusement and tosses the dog collar over to her with a shrug*

*She catches it with a smile, narrowing her eyes at it and humming* What's this?

*he keeps looking at her* It’s from the day in the library. I left it and I guess you decided the nightstand was a good home for it.

*Her eyes go to his, and she clutches the collar a little tighter because she definitely remembers* And you've been sneaking up on me ever since.

*he rolls to his side* Is that good or bad?

*She smiles* Sometimes good. Sometimes bad.

Maybe I should keep that then. *he eyes the collar on her hand*

*She moves the collar away* Not a chance.

*he gives her a surprised look* I can’t have it back?

Nope.

You know that’s mine, right? *he holds out his hand*

*She shakes her head, raising her eyebrows in challenge and clutching the collar to her chest* What can I do to get you to let me keep it?

*he shakes his head* There’s nothing at all. *he gives her a challenging look*

*She narrows her eyes a little* Then that's too bad. Guess you'll get nothing then.

*he shrugs* A shame. I guess I’ll have to withhold my jokes and my autograph. *he rolls over onto his back again*

*She scoffs as she shifts to press against him, propped up on her elbow. She drops the pen onto his chest and keeps clutching the collar* Aw, come on, baby.

*he looks up at her because I think she’s higher than him* I’ll trade you the collar for the autograph. *he reaches up and plucks the pen off his chest, clicks it, then reaches up and leaves a small dot on the tip of her nose*

*She tilts her head a little in challenge, but she really does want that autograph. She unclasps the collar and sets it unclasped on his neck* Fine, but you have to tell me a joke too.

*his eyes widen when she sets the collar in his neck and he reaches up and takes it off his neck before setting it beside him* Fine. You get another joke and the autograph. But if you get two things then I want two things too.

*She watches him take it off with curious eyes before looking back at him* What else should I give you then?

I want you to text me. That’s it. * aim smiles up as her *

*She looks at him in surprise because that's definitely not what she expected him to say, but she finds she likes it, so she smiles down at him* What should I text you?

*he thinks about it for a moment then shrugs* Just a hello now and then.

*She pretends like she considers it, nodding her head once before speaking* I think I could swing that.

*he holds up his hand like “wait”* Only if it fits into your schedule.

*She huffs a laugh* I'm starting to think I'm the only person around here who needs a /busier/ schedule. *She leans a little closer and lowers her voice* I'll pencil you in.

*he blows out a sigh of relief and touches his chest as his says with some sarcasm* Oh, thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me.

*She rolls her eyes a little at the reply* As long as you text me back. *She frowns a little* Once I get my phone back.

*he’s about to ask what she means when he realizes what must have happened then he says* You know, texting isn’t overrated anyway and we did well enough with notes before.

*Her smile returns for the most part when he says that, and she shifts just a little closer* I enjoyed the notes. They're nice to look at. *She leans a bit closer* But I'll still text you.

*he smiles at her like he’s already moved on and forgotten about what probably happened with the phone even if he hasn’t and he’s already decided he’s going to get it back* I look forward to it. *he clicks the pen again*

*She smiles a bit wider at that, her eyes going to the pen* Where are we putting it?

*he tans the pen against his chin as he thinks* I’ve never thought much about tattoos so I’m not sure where the best spot would be. *he pauses* And I guess part of it depends on if you want it covered or not.

*She's looking at him like she's /very/ interested and totally getting this tattooed* I'd be totally down for face, but considering my future profession, I'm not sure it would be good idea.

*he nods and feigns disappointment* You’re right, it might scare people off. *he silent again as he puts on his best thinking face* So... somewhere people won’t see then...?

*She nods slowly as she pretends to think on it* Yeah, I think that would be best. *Her eyes go to his, the slightest hint of a smirk on her lips* Any suggestions?

*he bites at his lip with a small amount of nervousness* It’s just occurred to me how few places there are that people would never see.

*She laughs a little* And even then, debatable. 

*he nods slowly* Sorry. /Most/ people... *he clicks the pen a few times in a row*

*She watches him click the pen in amusement* You're the artist. You call the shots. Where shouldn't /most/ people see your work?

*he shifts so he’s sitting up. Arin looks at her still slightly amused but it’s partially faded into something else and there’s a softness to it* Aren’t I included in that?

*She smiles a bit* I wouldn't say you're most people.

Am I some people then? *he watches her with a calm but intent gaze*

*She sits up then and turns to him* No, you're just you.

*he gives her a curious look* I’m not sure who else I could be.

*She leans in to press a kiss against his cheek before pulling away, smiling* Pick your spot.

*he smiles at the kiss then when she pulls away he taps her shoulder with the end of the pen* How about here?

*She gives him a smirk, knowing he doesn't know* Are you sure? I'm not wearing a shirt.

*he sighs because of course not* What is it with you and not wearing clothes?

*She raises her eyebrows* I don't sleep in pants unless you're here, so I'm already going above and beyond for you.

*he presses a hand to his chest* Thank you for your sacrifice. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you.

*She nods like it was a real problem* It's okay. I know I'm selfless. *She glances down at her hoodie and gives him a weak smile after a moment, but her eyes don't meet his* Probably shouldn't. I...

*sensing that her thoughts are drifting back to what’s happened he panic thinks while I scream because I know what he’s going to say and the shit I’m gonna get for it* Your foot! *he smiles more broadly because he feels like if he smiles and pretends that nothing it wrong at least in that moment she’ll maybe feel okay* No one will ever know but you and me.

*Her eyes snap to his when he say foot, and she's a bit confused, but it does take her out of her head for the time being* Foot?

*he nods* If it’s on the bottom of your foot no one will see it there. *he shrugs, still smiling before he says* It can be our secret.

Our secret. *She repeats it, trying it out before she smiles back at him* Like that wedding we keep pushing back?

Oh, Bee... didn’t I send you a note? This week wouldn’t have worked because all those families. *he feigns an apologetic look* How about I look into next week?

*She hums, letting out a dramatic sigh* As long as you haven't forgotten. *Her smile turns into a smirk as her voice turns a little more back to normal* Because I sure haven't.

*he rolls his eyes dramatically because of how it amuses him that they’ve kept this game up* I doubt you ever forget anything. *he clicks the pen again so the tip is out then me motions at the space in front of him* Alright lay down.

*She does as he asks, laying back down with her head against the pillows with her hands folded over her stomach* And here I recall you saying I had a bad memory.

*he chuckles* Fine, it’s selectively good. *he scoots down the bed towards her feet. He positions himself so that he’s crossed legged with her feet in his lap*

*With her feet in his lap, she props herself up on her elbows to watch him, amused* I believe you're the one constantly needing reminded actually.

*he just sighs and shakes his head as he looks at her feet* You just don’t let anything got. *he taps her right foot with the pen and gives her a look asking if that’s the foot she wants*

I just like to use my selective memory here and there. *She raises her right foot for him*

*he pulls off her sock and tosses it at her before lifting her foot up higher so he can see the arch better* And what do you selectively remember about me? *his gave go from her foot so their eyes meet*

*She catches the sock, amused, and lets it sit on her chest as she looks at him* Many things because I like remembering you.

*he’s still watching her* I am memorable, aren’t I?

*She keeps her eyes on his for a moment before reaching next to her and grabbing the dog collar that was lying there on the edge just to have something to fiddle with with her hands* Oh yes, quite memorable, I'd say.

*he gently presses the pen against the underside of her foot, starting to write out his name* You’re not too bad yourself. *he says, clearly teasing*

*She jerks away at the touch of the pen because a bitch is ticklish, but she brings it back slowly, clutching the collar a little more as her cheeks redden* Sorry.

*there’s visible surprise on his face when she jerks away but it turns to amusement as he takes her foot again- having only managed to write a and r* I’ll have to start over now. The letters look like a bad sea star.

*She smiles as she watches him* I like sea stars, but carry on, I guess.

*he raises his eyebrows* What’s your favorite one? *he looks back to her foot and very gently presses the pen to her skin again, going slower this time as he writes out the first few letters. He looks back to her to see if she’s still keeping it together*

*She presses her lips together to avoid smiling, moving her eyes up to the ceiling to focus on something besides the sensation, but she does curl her toes* There's more than one kind?

*he starts writing out his middle name- which for the record he doesn’t use on official things at all. He tries to hide his amusement at her reaction* There’s over 2000 different kinds.

*She lets herself smile at that, still keeping her eyes on the ceiling* Really? What's  _ your _ favorite then?

*he finishes off his middle name and looks back to her* It’s the Protoreaster linckii. They’re found on the Eastern coast of Africa. *he looks back to her foot but doesn’t start on his last name just yet as he says with a hint of sadness* I’ve never seen one though.

*She glances at him to watch him write for a moment, but it only makes her feel the pen even more. She curls her toes one before looking back up* Hopefully you'll get to.

*he shrugs, continuing on to his last name* Maybe one day. But sadly it’s not very high up on my agenda. *he finished and takes a moment to admire his work- a bad sea star and his full name*

What's the highest on your agenda? *She still keeps her eyes on the ceiling*

*he sets her foot back down into his lap, clicks the pen, then sets it off to the side* I think right now it's easily making it through these next few weeks. But other than that I think the second biggest thing is getting you into bed.

*She ignores the getting into bed part, still not looking at him* What are the next few weeks?

*he reaches out, offering his hands to he can pull her up* Amma's coming home and I can go back to whatever it was I did before all this started. *he realizes that possibly sounds bad* The tour I mean.

*She takes his hand and does sit up with him, pulling her foot off his lap to inspect the signature. She runs her thumb over it when she sees it and smiles before looking back up at him* Less busy?

*he smiles softly at her reaction to writing and nods* Way less busy. *he makes a little hmph noise* I’m excited that she’ll be home.

Me too. And that you get a break. *She smiles as she leans in a bit closer* Maybe get some sleep too if you can manage it.

*he gives her a look that says they both know it won’t happen and that kind of amuses him*

*At the look, she rolls her eyes and gives him a tap with her foot* Not sure how you can expect me to when you lead such a bad example. *She raises her eyebrows*

Do as I say not as I do. *he chuckles, giving her a challenging look*

*She presses her lips together to repress a smile* That would be well and good if you were the boss of me.

*he smirks* If my faulty memory serves me correctly I think there was one time I told you that I technically am.

*She hums, narrowing her eyes a little* What if I don't listen to you?

*he seems to thinks this over, still amused* Well, it seems to me that when you don’t listen to me I end up having to help you deal with the consequences of picking terrible shoes.

*She raises her eyebrows a little, expression turning sly* I already told you I liked you on your knees, so that's not exactly discouraging.

*Arin tilts his head to the side then nods and shifts on to his knees in front of her. He takes her hands in his and looks down at her* Please make better choices when it comes to shoes.

*She gives him a little pout* But what if I really like the shoes?

*he lets go of her hands and sits back down in front of her* Then it's possible you're a lost cause when it comes to footwear.

When I'm surrounded by tall people, it's the only way to survive. *She shrugs* Shrink a few inches and we'll talk about my shoe choices.

*he lays back down onto the bed an sighs* Fine- I should be worrying more about your sleep choices right now anyway.

*She doesn't lie down next to him, just stays sitting and watches him* My sleeping choices should be the least of your worries.

*he shrugs, settling into the pillows more* I'm prioritizing it.

*She keeps staring* Seems like a waste to me.

*he shuts his eyes tightly like he's willing sleep to come* And why's that?

*Quieter* I doubt I'll be able to.

*he opens his eyes and looks at her then with a sigh admits* I don’t think I’ll be able to either... *he pauses and tries to give her a smile* /But/ if we don’t try then you already know for sure neither of us will be able to.

*She considers for a moment, her eyes averted, but after a moment she crawls next to him and slips under the duvet* Okay. *Still quiet* I'll try if you do.

*he nods* Okay. *he settles under the covers beside her and lays on his back again, staring up at the ceiling* We can do this.

*She smiles as she looks at him* Trying to convince yourself?

*he keeps staring at the ceiling but he nods* Unfortunately. But like I said, if we don’t try we won’t succeed.

*She sighs and settles in a little more, rolling over onto her side and putting her arm around his chest to hold him*

*he reaches over with the arm furthest away from her and puts his hand on her arm but he doesn’t look at her, still looking up* Sweet dreams?

*She presses her head into his shoulder and nods* If I wake up, just tell me I'm okay.

*he glances over at her then and even if she can’t see he nods* I promise.

*She closes her eyes, letting her fingers tighten on him a little, and her mind is threatening to race now that the conversation has lapsed, but she forces herself to stay calm* Then sweet dreams.

*he gently rubs her arm, trying to remind her that he’s still there and that he won’t go anywhere* Goodnight.

*A while later, like a few hours later she would finally be able to doze off from the sheer exhaustion. Probably two hours after, she would start waking up a little more but dreaming and have those things. The twitching, the breathing, the little noises of discontent. After a bit of that, she would eventually wake up but not entirely, only aware that she's in bed with someone and doesn't usually do that and after the night she had, she panics and pulls away immediately, her breathing already too rapid*

*when she starts twitching he tries to rub her arm to let her know he’s still there* Hey, I’m here. It’s okay. *then when she pulls away he lets her because he’s not sure he should touch her because it might panic her more. He half sits up and looks over at her, trying to give her a second to remember what’s going on before he makes his next move*

*She sits up fully and hunches over, clutching her knees for a moment as she breathes shakily, a little more aware but still in her head panicking, already starting to tear up*

*arin sits up all the way and watches her another long moment, unsure of what do or how to help. Then against his better judgment and me writing this being like oh god he gently places a hand in her back* It’s okay. You’re okay. *he says this softly, trying to be soothing*

*She immediately jerks away the touch and hunches over a little more to cry, her shoulders shaking as she shuts her eyes, afraid of what she'll see if she opens them*

*he moves so he’s sitting in front of her but he doesn’t touch her again because he knows it was a mistake.* It’s Arin. *he murmurs*

*She opens her eyes then and looks up at him, still crying and breathing shaky breaths, but she relaxes just a little* Arin. *It's kinda choked out. She reaches for him*

*he moves closer and wraps his arms around her* It’s okay. *he rubs at her back*

*She wraps her arms around him tightly, her face buried in his neck as she just lets herself cry, knowing now where she's at and who she's with but also knowing what happened that night was real because even if she'd fallen asleep feeling okay, that memory was very real and very fresh*

*he pulls her closer so he can hold her while she cries. He murmurs a few times in a row that it’s okay but at the way she cries he says it for both of them* You’re okay.

*She shakes her adamantly* No. I'm not.

*he takes a deep breath and pulls back a little to look at her and he gives her a sad nod* Maybe not.... but either way I’m here for you. For whatever you need.

Just... *The words catch in her throat, and she heaves a breath as she looks at him. Quite a mess she is* Hold me. Please.

Of course. *he nods and leans in again* For as long as you need, okay?

*a few hours later just before he should leave to go get ready for breakfast he finally dozes off. Probably looking hella peaceful and calm as he lays in his back- idk where Jen is*

*Jen's also sleeping, probably clutching him again like she was earlier in the night. She wakes up suddenly, her eyes heavy, and she mumbles out something to him, but when she notices he's sleeping, she actually smiles because he's sleeping. Her eyes go to her clock on the nightstand, and when she realizes it's getting dangerously close to breakfast, she looks back at him. And she doesn't want to wake him up because he looks so peaceful and she knows he needs to sleep, but she also knows he never misses breakfast and wouldn't want to keep him because of her, so she makes the decision. Her hand shifts up to brush over his hair and then to his cheek, trying to give him a moderately nice wake up call even if she feels bad about it*

*he stirs a little at her touch and takes in a deep and tired breath but doesn’t open his eyes. He groans and pulls the blankets closer*

*She feels literally so bad, pausing for a second just to consider options, but she knows she has to, so she keeps touching his cheek as she says softly* Arin

*he groans again then rolls towards her and slowly opens his eyes. He blinks a few times and lets out a sigh. He mumbles* What time is it?

7:15. *She moves her hand from his face to rest on his neck* Breakfast is soon.

*there’s a pained expression on his face* Up I get then I guess. *he makes no move to get up just yet*

*She leans forward again, feeling even worse that she woke him up* I'm sorry.

*he sits up, letting out another groan then tilts his head forward into his hands and rubs at his eyes. Arin stops after a few moments and looks over at her* It’s only been about 15 minutes I think.

*She lies there and shifts back onto her back, just watching him for a moment* I was going to let you sleep, but... I didn't think you would want to miss it.

*he grimaces* I’d love to miss it but I’m pretty sure people would notice. And if we’re both gone... *he doesn’t finish the sentence knowing that she probably gets the implication*

*She smiles and sits up, looking over at him as she leans forward a bit to stretch* Probably a good idea. Sara already gives me an earful over you. I don't need more ammunition.

*he raises his eyebrows at her- still sleepy but amused* And what exactly does she say? *he runs his fingers through his hair*

*She huffs a laugh* Let's just say she also found my drawer very interesting.

*this gives him some pause and he frowns a little before he decides it might be best to gloss over what he actually saw* Yes... well... she’s probably never seen a hair tie collection that large.

*She looks at him with raised eyebrows because that was definitely not what she'd meant but knows what he's doing* I do love a good hair tie. *She smiles again before straightening to rest her head on his shoulder/arm (whatever she can reach idk) and taking his hand. Her eyes go to his knuckles, but she doesn't say anything about them* Thank you for staying.

*he intertwines their fingers and tilts his head to rest on hers then trying to lighten the mood he says* The hair ties convinced me.

*She glances up at him, amused* I'm sure they did. Very persuasive.

*he sighs, even though he’s in a decent mood* I should probably get going so I have enough time to make myself presentable. I’m not sure showing up will help if I have to do the walk of shame down to breakfast.

*She spares a glance down to what he's wearing and smiles* Maybe I'll see you there.

*he raises his eyebrows again* I thought you were going to have breakfast in bed?

*She gives a little shrug* I feel... okay. We'll see. *A little lower* Wouldn't want my family getting suspicious.

*he gives her a faintly mischievous look* Or I can just tell Sara we had a long night.

*She rolls her eyes and gives him a light shove* If you want to dig your own grave, go ahead, but if I get asked for the dirty details, then I'm definitely blaming you.

*He returns the shove* And what dirty details would you give her? The massage?

*She gives him an incredulous look but smirks* Oh, yeah, all of it. *She leans in and presses a kiss to his jaw* She'll never be able to face you again.

*he smiles at the kiss and in the haze of sleepiness closes his eyes a moment as he enjoys it* After what I assume she’s said I might enjoy that.

Of course you would, but that will make it worse for me. *She pulls away a bit to look at him before squeezing his hand in hers* You should go. My maids will be here soon.

*he makes a little humming noise* Though... I'm sure the hallways are crawling with guests.

This hall? Most likely, yes. *She glances down at their hands* You could've left again. I wouldn't have minded.

*he tilts his head to the side* A promise is a promise.

*She smiles, her eyes still on their hands, but then she looks up at him* You're a good friend.

*he frowns a little and purses his lips* I don't feel like one but I'm glad you felt like I was one to you.

*She frowns a little when he says that. She squeezes his hand and looks down at his knuckles again* I know it doesn't feel okay, but the more you blame yourself for what happened, the worse it's going to feel for me too. *She looks back up at him* You were there when I needed you most, and that's all that matters to me.

*he shakes his head and feigns confusion* Sorry, I'm fine. *he lets go of her hand and pulls back the covers*

*She sets a hand on his arm to stop him* Arin.

*he stops an looks back at her* Yeah?

*his eyes then go to her hand*

*She shifts toward and wraps her arms around him, holding him tightly to her* 

*he makes a noise of confusions an only half hugs her back* You said that your maids would be here soon, didn't you?

*She smiles, though a bit sadly* One more minute? *She pulls away just enough to press her lips to his, just wanting to keep him there until she has to let him go*

*he pulls back and nods* One more minute. *Arin fully hugs her back and leans in to kiss her*

*She starts counting in her head but keeps kissing him, her hands going to his neck as she shifts onto her knees to raise herself up a bit*

*he wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, continuing to kiss her and not at all counting*

*She keeps kissing him, shifting closer until she just says fuck it in her head and swings one leg over his lap to straddle him, tugging him closer by his neck as she keeps counting internally*

*he makes a noise of surprise when she straddles him but that doesn't stop him from pulling her back with him as he lays down *

*She also makes a noise of surprise when he lays her down, pulling away for a second as her counting lapses, but she immediately goes back in to kiss him, her hands effectively messing up his hair yet again*

*that 15 minute nap really just gives him that burst of energy and boldness and one of his hands creeps under her sweatshirt and along her lower back while the other reaches up to the side of her face*

*She "deepens" the kiss because fuck it and moves her hand to pull up shirt as far as it can, putting her hand on his skin*

*he very happily pulls away to take his shirt off before he leans up to kiss her again and both of his hands return to the bare skin off her back*

*She kisses him, her mind dangerously going to that bedside drawer again before she pulls away and takes that hoodie off and going back down to kiss him again, her mind going vaguely over numbers again but definitely not accurately*

*his hands inch higher along her back while he keeps her close as possible. Arin pulls away for a few moments to kiss her neck before he kisses her again*

*She moans when he kisses her neck louder than she probably should, and when he kisses her again, her hands go to his hair, tugging a little to pull him closer.

Of course, yet again as they get too far into it, they get another cockblock, this time from the German Federation. Sara opens her door without knocking because she has no regard for privacy and immediately pauses after she closes the door*

S: So you're a fucking liar, I see.

*honestly he only half hears Sara enters and it doesn't register in his brain that Sara has entered the chat. His hands as still on Jen's back, daring to slip one beneath the back band*

*Her brain is too wired up by his hand on her back to immediately hear anyone enter, but when Sara speaks, her eyes fly open and she immediately pulls back to see the intruder*

J: For fuck's sake, get out now.

*Sara's eyes simply go to Arin, and she raises her eyebrows. /The prince is a sub, I see./*

*Arin doesn't understand why she's pulled away while he lays beneath her trying to catch his breath. At her pulling away his hands settle on her legs. When he sees where Jen's looking he tilts his head back and recognizes Sara despite the face that she's upside down.* Shit. *he mutters and looks back up at Jen. He gives her a wide-eyed look that asks her what they should do*

*Sara doesn't move, just looks back at Jen*

S: You said you weren't fucking.

J: We're not.

S: Not what that looks like. *She looks back at Arin* Kinda risky, isn't it?

*Jen looks back down at Arin and just gives him a Look before climbing off him and grabbing her hoodie off the bed to start putting it back on*

*When she gets off of him he sits up and fumbles for his shirt then turns on the bed so he's facing towards the door. He's still breathing heavily but then he purses his lips and looks over at Jen*

*Sara's eyes immediately go to his torso before going back to Jen's and raising her eyebrows with sister telepathy. Jen simply rolls her eyes as she puts the hoodie back on*

J: Out.

S: I really feel like I should stay to make sure you don't ruin the family.

J: *Picks up a pillow and tosses it in her direction but it doesn't hit her* Out now.

*Sara just rolls her eyes and turns around to leave*

S: If I end up an aunt at 19, I'll say I told you so.

*She leaves without a response, and Jen simply sits there, looking after her because she really did not like what that reminded her of*

*he's silently processing what just happened but when Sara leaves he lets out a sigh of relief* Well... that was... something unexpected. *he pauses* Clearly she hasn't seen your extensive collection of hair ties.

*She turns to him and rolls her eyes but smiles* I wouldn't say it's extensive.

*he raises his eyebrows at her* Sure... *he scoots closer to as a smirk plays an his lips*

*She leans a little closer, her eyes going over his face* Only nine or ten. Not much to boast about.

*he reaches up and gently tugs on a lock of her hair* That's nine or ten more than I have. 

*She almost chokes, and the look of surprise is apparent on her face, but she forces herself to look normal* Sounds like you shouldn't go through them so quickly. *She presses her lips together to repress a smirk* You can lose hair ties so quickly.

*he inclines his head as she speaks* Well, when you have short hair you don't lose any hair ties at all.

*She rolls her eyes* Right. *She leans in to kiss him again very gently*

*he brings his hands up to her cheeks and kisses her back- but not too much so that they'll end up right back where they were*

*She kisses back for a moment but knowing how they'll end up, she forces herself to pull away, smiling* 60.

*he chuckles when she says* I think we need to work on how good you are at counting. *he leans in then kisses her softly before pulling back once more and his eyes go to the clock. With a sigh he says* It's 7:26.

*She shrugs and scoots back a little away from him so she doesn't start again* You'll just have to get ready faster.

*he groans but nods. Then he scoots away and gets off the bed. He watches her for a moment with a smile* Your hair looks great.It's an interesting new style you're trying out.

*She narrows her eyes a little and reaches up to run her fingers through her hair* You seemed to have a good time messing it up.

*he shrugs* An okay time. *he takes a step back from the bed*

'An okay time.' Okay. *She lies back against the bed but keeps looking at him* See you at breakfast

*he shrugs* If I forget you can always remind me. *he takes another step back, still facing her*

*She props herself up on her elbows* You know what's worse than doing the walk of shame?

*he smiles at her* Showing up late for breakfast, completely disheveled?

*She smirks* Getting walked in on by my sister and maids within the span of five minutes is up there with that.

*he picks up the pillow she’d thrown at Sara and tosses it her way- hitting the target* Maybe I wouldn’t care. *he walks to the door*

*She huffs when the pillow hits her but clutches it* Didn't realize you were an exhibitionist. I'll make a note.

*he just shakes his head and taps at his wrist even though there isn’t a watch there* 32 minutes.

*She rolls her eyes and chucks the pillow back at him* Go.

*he takes one final look at her* See you at breakfast. *he turns back to the door and reaches for the handle*

*She watches him but doesn't say anything, just sits back up and sighs as she back down at herself, thinking about how much work it's going to take to put herself back together.*

*he gives her a softer smile before he leaves the room and takes that second to memorize the way she looks*

Jen goes to breakfast that morning with one less person sitting on her side of the table and a few things she needed to say.


End file.
